Jokes Jokes and more Jokes - Jokes made simple! http://www.simplejokes.com/ Simplejokes.com ure mama so poor when i went too her house and rand the door bell she stuck her head out the window and said "DING DONG" http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1232 Ure Mama So Easy A Cave Man Could Do It. http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1231 a bear and a rabbit are standing in a forest and a genie pops up in front of them and grants them three wishes the bear goes first and says "i wish all the bears in the forest were females" the wish is granted then the rabbit says "i wish i had a motobike with unlimited fuel" so there in front of him appears a motobike then the bear thimks thats a stupid wish then says "i wish all the bears in the next forest were females" so the genie granted the wish then the rabbit said "i wish i had a helmet for my motocycle" so he got a helmet the genie said "you both have one more wish" so the bear said "ok i wish all the bears in the world are female" so all the bears in the world became female but by this time the rabbit had rode of on his motocycle and he calls back "i wish the bear was gay" http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1230 a boy goes up to his mum and askes "mum is god a boy or a girl" and the mum says "he's both" so the boy askes his dad "dad is god black or white" the dad repies "he is both" so at dinner the boy says "mum is god michael jackson" http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1229 Yo mama is so stupid she asked for a price check at the dallar store http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1228 Yo mama so fat when you ring the doorbell she checks the microwave! http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1227 Yo mama so cross eyed ya daddy left her for seein someone on the side! http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1226 Yo mama so stupid that when she was told to hit the road, SHE HIT THE ROAD! http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1225 Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and it turns out the hill was YO MAMA! http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1224 Dapper Gators coach Billy Donovan is one of the many basketball coaches famous for being very well dressed at all times. But dapper Donovan is now sporting a very new look that will soon be made public. The reason? The Florida branch of the influential Redneck White Trash Association (FRWTA), a little known but powerful organization with its regional office based out of a rundown shack in central Florida, decided they did not like Donovan’s pinstriped corporate executive style and that a change was overdue. “He don’t represent us like he should” said Cletus Buford, president of the Association in an exclusive interview. “He’s been in Florida fer a long time now and he STILL looks like some New York EXECUTIVE! Look at them fancy shoes with them little tassels on ‘em! Folks where we come from don’t even WEAR shoes! And those city boy suits! He’s been here long enough. It’s time fer him to look like he belongs here! Too high ‘n mighty!” At first, Coach Donovan just laughed contemptuously, and when asked about his thoughts at a press conference, pointed at his dapperly attired feet. "What am I supposed to do? Do they expect me to take these off and coach in my bare feet? Do I LOOK like a redneck? Nothing is going to turn ME into a bubba! I'm happy in my business suits!" But this is a very powerful group of good ol’ boys. They took Donovan’s patronizing attitude as a challenge. Buford announced: “I think Mister Donovan is gonna find out that his fancy, shiny shoes are feelin’ a little too tight and that he’s gonna feel the need to take ‘em off. We’re gonna help him!” The group has strong ties with Florida’s politicians, and the Gators management did not say anything when a meeting was arranged with Donovan. Threats of boycotts and protests remain unsubstantiated. The stunned coach left the emergency meeting with the association in their trailer in a local swamp with a list indicating a new dress code that they assume he will follow. Donovan went into seclusion and refused interviews, but Buford confirmed later that he has personally divested the coach of a pair of Gucci loafers and a Hermes necktie at the height of a contentious discussion. A spokesman for the Gators, who wished to remain anonymous, issued a statement: “We will do everything we can to make sure that the Florida Redneck White Trash Association is happy with Coach Donovan’s new look. The process of officially transforming Coach Donovan into a genuine redneck has now begun. We are calling the process “bubbaizing.” He has agreed never to wear shoes or socks and to remain barefoot at all games from now on. He has agreed that he will never again wear a business suit or a necktie at a game or associated event. He has also agreed to wear dirty overalls with the FRWTA logo on them. He has agreed to replace his current haircut with a mullet, and to stop shaving on a daily basis. He has also agreed to undergo an intensive redneck language course and to legally change his name to ‘Billy Ray’.” So the formerly impeccably dressed coach who strutted on the court in the most expensive designer attire and was known for his high class style is trading his $2,000 Italian business suits, cufflinks, starched shirts and silk ties for bib overalls and NASCAR tee shirts. In addition, he is now forced to step out of his $1,000 Gucci loafers and Brooks Brothers socks and will coach in his bare feet from now on. The process of "bubbaizing" Donovan will take several weeks but is well under way. What will that mean for the Gators from now on? Will Donovan’s record as a coach also “go south” along with his Armani suits? Will fans and players respect a shoeless, bearded, trailer trash Donovan as they did when he dressed like a dignified stockbroker? And will this start a trend among basketball coaches, known for their expensive suits? Just when football coaches are starting to question their own laid-back look, maybe they are trading places? As for Donovan, he appeared today at an auction; the FRWTA auctioned off all of his business attire yesterday to raise money for the FRWTA to donate to NASCAR. The transformation of Donovan’s identity has encouraged other branches of the Redneck White Trash Association to demand similar changes among their regional coaches. The news is already spreading and will certainly transform the world of college basketball. The Kentucky Branch plans to contact Rick Pitino this week; they will require him to shave off all his famous hair, trade in his slick pinstriped suits, neckties and shiny loafers for a wife beater and jeans, and send them every pair of Italian shoes he owns. North Carolina’s branch plans to sell Mike Krzyzewski’s Armani suits on Ebay. http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1223 one day there was this guy he copied everything he hears so later on he go's to a telephone place and hears memememe and he go's to a restraunt and hears forks and knifes then he go's to a candy shop hears goody goody gum drop then he go's to a air freshener place and hears plug it in plug it in so later on he go's to a park the police ask him who created this crime the copy cat man says memememe the police officer says well what did you use the copy guy says forks and kives forks and knives then the police say well ur goin to jail the copy guy says goody goody gum drop then the police say were putting u in the electric chair the copy guy says plug it in plug it in http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1222 your mamas so fat that god said let there be light so he told her to move her fat ass out of the way http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1221 There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence. He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN" http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1220 Zek and Luke went to a trucking company to apply for a "Team" truck driving job. The personnel manager decided, after talking to them both that they weren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. He decides to interview them separately. He first interviews Zek. After 15 minutes he completes the interview. Zek barely passes. Next he interviews Luke. He begins by asking the usual transportation related questions. Luke also barely passes. The personnel manager next interview them together. He presents them with this potential problem: Now Zek and Luke, lets say that you two are a driving team. One of you is driving the rig and the other is asleep in the back. You are going down this very steep hill with sixty thousand pounds of steel on the truck. All of a sudden your breaks go out and your speed is increasing. What would be the first thing you'd do ? About a minute passes and there was no answer. Then, all of a sudden Luke spoke up. "I know, I know, I know the first thing I'd do". The personnel manager says "yes Luke, what is the first thing you'd do?" Luke says, "I'd wake Zek up." The personnel manager replies, "WHAT ! "Why would wake Zek up ?" Coos, says Luke, "He ain't never seen no big accident before!" http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1219 Ways to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer 10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is "Bubba". 4. The CPU has a gun rack mount. 3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive. 2. The keyboard is camouflaged. And, The Number One Way To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer... The mouse is referred to as a "critter". http://www.simplejokes.com/joke.php?jokeID=1218